‘You will happily carry the mental scars and emotional baggage just to be a part of it’ – former Ulster and Ireland player Tom Court reflects on his career

For Tom Court, the reality only properly sunk in a year or so after he had moved back home to Australia. D uring a conversation with his wife Cath, following another long day sitting in front of a computer screen, Court suddenly came to the realisation: “Is this it for the next 40 or something years? No more rugby. ” Just like that, his 13 years as a professional was over.

From Queensland Reds, to Ulster, Ireland, the Lions, before finishing in London Irish, Court packed a lot in, yet five years on from hanging up his boots, he is still coming to terms with certain aspects. Reflecting on those from his home in Brisbane, Court counts himself lucky that he got out when he did, with his health and, most importantly, his brain still intact. A late bloomer, the former prop made up for lost time by playing 154 games for Ulster, winning 32 caps for Ireland and representing the Lions in 2013.

Yet, for all that he achieved, Court endured some dark days, which will stay with him forever. “I wish I could just say happiness and jubilation,” he says when asked what is the first word that comes to mind when describing his time in Ireland. “The things I got to experience were unbelievable.

The Grand Slam, my time in Ulster, the friends, that was great but some of the stuff around playing with Ireland in certain games like in Twickenham, even some of the press around the Lions experience. “That should be the pinnacle of anyone’s career. Even if it was only for a week and I got to play one of the midweek games, but everything always had that bit of tarnish thrown on it.

“‘I didn’t deserve to be there. I was just there because of this. ’ It’s hard to forget all of that.

You’ll happily carry those mental scars and that emotional baggage just to be a part of it. “That’s part of rugby. You put yourself out there and you expose yourself.

You have to be willing to take that hit and take the criticism. I’m not one of those people who is going to complain about it now. “It was bittersweet.

I always felt my career was a roller-coaster. There was a little bit of politics and there were bits in the media about this, that and the other about certain selections. It’s one of those things that you never quite get over.

You just bury it deep enough that you don’t have to worry about it anymore. That’s probably not the right approach. I sort of made my peace with it and moved on.

It’s nice to be working in an environment now where you don’t have to worry about it. ” Expand Close Johann Muller and Tom Court say farewell to the fans at Ravenhill ©INPHO/Presseye/Darren Kidd / Facebook Twitter Email Whatsapp Johann Muller and Tom Court say farewell to the fans at Ravenhill Court works at the University of Queensland in research development. A world away from the daily grind of professional rugby, many of the 41-year-old’s colleagues are unaware of his previous life.

Rugby Round Up Newsletter Exclusives and expert analysis from the sports team straight to your inbox Enter email address This field is required Sign Up On the one hand, the anonymity suits Court, but on the other, he knows that for all that life is good with Cath and their two kids Maddie (13) and Theo (11), he has never been able to replace the void left by rugby, nor does he ever expect to. “It actually took me at least three years to properly settle and not be still restless thinking, ‘Could I have done this? Could this have changed,’” Court admits. “Even then, you still get restless.

You have to channel that drive and perseverance into other things. If you let it die and just push it to the side, it’s going to flare up in other ways. “It can be quite jarring, to be honest.

Considering where you have been and what you get to experience, especially international rugby. “You come back to the real world and it disappears. Especially for me, coming back to Australia, where I didn’t play much rugby, it’s just gone.

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. and crank up the heat on Australia Competition for places in Wales squad driving Josh Adams on “You end up being around a lot of people who are very, very involved in rugby, and they still have absolutely no idea you ever played. “If you’ve got an ego, that will probably affect you but to be honest, I’m happy enough to chat about anything rather than people potholing you.

” Court had a good injury record across the course of his career, but, more recently, the years of scrummaging have begun to take its toll. “I think I only ever missed one or two games through injury in my whole career,” he recalls. “Then I finished and you sort of stop training, so all the muscle atrophies.

To be honest, my shoulders were and still are pretty bad. “Because all the muscle bulk and everything atrophied, my right shoulder got really bad to the point where I couldn’t really pass the ball. More importantly, I couldn’t sleep.

When it starts affecting your sleep, your mental health really goes, and then it’s a bit of an endless down spiral. “I ended up getting it operated on. It was an absolute mess, there was all sorts going on.

Bone chips, subluxations, slap tears, frozen shoulders, you name it. So, they said, ‘You either replace the shoulder joint now or we do as much as we can and hold off. ’ “I’m back in the gym and training, so I feel pretty good now, but I know in the back of my head that it’s sort of five or 10 years away from needing one or both shoulder replacements.

“Every front-rower I think I played with had neck surgery, bulged discs, fused vertebrae. I remember guys like John Hayes couldn’t even turn his neck properly, he was so stiff. ” Court believes it’s a small price to pay for playing at the level he did, especially when he reads horrific concussion stories from players he played with and against.

“I never had too many concussions, which was lucky considering the state of CTE (chronic traumatic encephalopathy) and the way everything is going at the moment with tackles and refereeing of tackles,” Court says. “I do feel very lucky, especially because my career choice now and my role at the university is very cerebral. I rely very heavily on my brain for work.

It’s quite scary seeing a lot of the guys come out. “I remember guys we played with, you could sort of see with each concussion and each little knock, their personality would lose a few per cent of its vibrancy and they become more introverted. You would see them receding back into themselves.

Looking back, you could really see people gradually being affected by those head knocks and concussions. It is quite scary. Expand Close Tom Court and Stephen Ferris celebrate after beating the Wallabies in 2011 World Cup Getty Images / Facebook Twitter Email Whatsapp Tom Court and Stephen Ferris celebrate after beating the Wallabies in 2011 World Cup “It’s one of those things where you sort of go, ‘Okay, would you trade your whole career and everything if you’d have known that you maybe would’ve gotten a few concussions or it could have turned out badly?’ “I would argue that a lot of guys would say, ‘No.

’ They would happily follow their career, but it’s easy to say after the fact. And it’s easy to say if you haven’t been too affected, but the guys that have, it’s extremely serious. “Not only from a health point of view, but also from the consequences of the effects of mental health on themselves, on their loved ones.

It has such a tremor and ripple effect right out through the community. The problem is, it’s an integral part of the sport. “It may well end with the end of the sport or a simplification of the rules.

I have a feeling, with the way everything is going with, not only society, but also litigation and research and understanding of the problems, it will get to a point where people legally and morally just can’t risk the concussions and the side effects. ” Court’s son Theo recently took his dad to the side and told him that he wouldn’t be playing rugby any more. “I think he was more concerned that he was going to hurt my feelings,” Court maintains.

“But on the back of what we just talked about with concussion, I was happy as Larry. ” Court’s mind often wanders back to the good old days, but then he remembers the moments which soured the journey. For all of that, however, he will get up early to watch Ireland face Australia in a fixture that will bring everything back home again.

“I’d love to say it has made me more resilient but I don’t think so,” Court adds. “It’s like when you buy a new car, there’s always that little chip in the paint. You’d love it to be all smiles and rainbows and happy memories, but that’s part of the journey.

There’s always going to be imperfections in these experiences. “Sometimes it just makes you bitter and then you realise how grateful and lucky you are and you put it to bed. “It’s one of those things, you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

I probably overachieved more than I could have dreamed of with rugby. I don’t think I could have squeezed too much more out of it if I tried, so from that perspective, I’m happy. ” Related topics Ulster Rugby.