I got an abortion to clear a partial molar pregnancy that threatened to become a cancerous tumor. It was one of the hardest thing I’ve done.

Jenny Davis right before her 12-week scan. Jenny Davis My spouse and I got pregnant on the first try and had the same due date as my childhood best friend. At 12 weeks, we learned that our baby stopped growing, and that what remained was a cancer risk.

To limit my suffering and prevent cancer, I cleared my pregnancy at an abortion clinic. At 11 weeks pregnant, I was radiant. My skin was glowing, my hair was full, and I was starting to show.

Two weeks earlier, I’d learned that my childhood best friend was also pregnant and had the same due date. I got pregnant on the first try, and my nausea went away around week eight. It was perfect until it wasn’t.

At my 12-week scan, I stared at the screen like an excited fool. Why is the baby so small in such a big pool of amniotic fluid? “I think it just moved,” my husband said, seeking reassurance.  But the technician turned off the screen and silently left the room.

The doctor returned and told us the baby had stopped growing a few weeks ago, but the pregnancy was progressing as if it were viable. My perfect pregnancy turned into a cancer risk I was diagnosed with a partial molar pregnancy, which could become a cancerous tumor. And my body wasn’t miscarrying.

I could wait for it to happen naturally or get an abortion.  A molar pregnancy is when there’s an abnormal growth of the cells that develop into the placenta, known as trophoblasts. According to Mayo Clinic, one in 1,000 pregnancies is diagnosed as molar.

 I was in shock. Was this really happening? Then I felt a deep feeling of betrayal. How could my body have tricked me into celebrating a lost baby for weeks?My doctor advised that I abort the pregnancy instead of waiting for my body to eject it, because it was the only way to ensure that no particles from the cancer-threatening pregnancy remained.

She was going to perform a dilation and curettage, or D&C, but she couldn’t do it for another week.  I went to an abortion clinic to clear the pregnancy I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I couldn’t stop shaking and crying, and I wanted to rip out the lie so I could hold on to the memory of my magical pregnancy.

Not willing to wait another day, I went to an abortion clinic. They saw me the next day.  I don’t know if I was the only one at the clinic who was terminating a pregnancy I actually wanted to keep, but I believe that we were all going through an emotionally trying event.

I walked in as a bearer of life and left fragmented and changed forever.  After the abortion, I had to get blood tests weekly, then monthly, until my HCG level, the hormone used to detect pregnancy, went down to zero. Six months later, I was cleared to try again for a baby.

Without the abortion, I would have endured tremendous suffering I now have three kids and can’t imagine what my life would be like if I couldn’t get that abortion. At worst, I’d have cancer and no kids. At best, my body eventually would have ejected the pregnancy through a painful process.

I’m thankful I didn’t have to wait another day, holding on to my lost baby and risking cancer.  Read the original article on Insider.