My breast implants made me sick. I had them removed, and I actually prefer being flat-chested.

Rachel Garlinghouse. Courtesy Rachel Garlinghouse I got breast implants after a double mastectomy when I had breast cancer.   But when I started to experience symptoms of breast-implant illness, I asked to have them explanted.

Now I feel more comfortable with my flat chest than I ever did with my implants. I was 35 years old when breast cancer took my breasts. I was put back together, like a modern-day Humpty Dumpty, with silicone implants placed under my pectoral muscles.

On the outside, my breasts were perfectly symmetrical. I was one of the lucky ones — cancer chose me, and for the time being, I had won. But on the inside, I was a zombie.

Breast-implant illness came on slowly and steadily for me, long before I ever knew the name of the disease that many people who have breast implants eventually face. I’d been through a cancer journey, so I reasoned that it made sense that I was tired and anxious. One by one, other symptoms piled up, crushing me under their weight.

The list of these included chronic fatigue, joint pain and swelling, brain fog, and many more. I went to several specialists and had expensive scans and labs, only to be told that I “maybe” had this or “maybe” that, never to be given any definitive answers. Exasperated, I prayed that God would just let me die in my sleep.

I found hope — and answers — on a message board for other people going through the same thingAfter three years with implants, I stumbled upon a social-media group with over 150,000 members that focused on breast-implant illness. I spent hours poring over their stories and slowly came to believe that I was among those who were likely being made very ill from their implants. Once I had this realization, it felt like my implants needed to go — the sooner, the better.

I contacted my plastic surgeon and begged her to remove my implants. By the time I was wheeled into the operating room, I had a whopping 29 symptoms of breast-implant illness. I spent several days of the week bedridden.

My body was riddled with inflammation and always hurt. After I had my implants removed, I was totally flat-chested and nipple-less. I was left with three long scars and a prominent rib cage.

Though my chest doesn’t look like the typical standard of beauty — unlike my implanted breasts — I am certain I made the right choice to explant. All of my symptoms resolved within about six months of surgery. My body, mind, and soul released a sigh of relief.

 I initially asked a dear friend of mine to crochet me some “knitted knockers” — fake boobs with a crocheted exterior and filled with crafty stuffing. However, I never ended up wearing them. I run hot by nature, and it also felt cumbersome to arrange the “knockers” in a bra and keep them in place.

I’m actually more comfortable in my body after my explant surgeryWithout my implants, I can bend forward, hug my friends and family members, and exercise without the awareness of my implants. Every time I leaned the slightest bit forward, my implants felt like they were going to fall right out of my skin. I knew they were secure in my chest, but that didn’t stop the discomfort.

 Breast implants may help women feel more attractive and desirable — and I certainly don’t judge those who have them — but they were always uncomfortable to me. Though I joked with my friends that I would be the hottest old lady in the nursing home one day, my implants were much more of a cross to bear than body parts to show off.  Rachel Garlinghouse.

Courtesy Rachel GarlinghouseI’m 40 years old now, and I’ve been flat-chested for almost a year and a half. I’ve spent two summers — a whole lot of swim days — without breasts. I absolutely love it.

I can lay face down on a pool chair without my unmoving implants getting in the way of my relaxation. Likewise, I’ve been able to comfortably sleep on my stomach. And I don’t conceal my flatness — ever.

I wear tank tops, swimsuits, dresses, and tees without feeling any shame. I don’t worry about whether the top I’ve chosen makes me look flat or not. In fact, I joke with my husband, “Does this top make me look flat?” a play on the line “Does this make me look fat?” — neither of which are things any of us should be concerned about, I’ve learned, so long as we’re healthy.

My main concern when choosing clothing is making sure the seams of tops don’t touch the sensitive areas around my scars.  I’m a proud breast-cancer survivor and flattie. I don’t conceal who I am or what my body has gone through.

My breasts never have — and never will — define me. Read the original article on Insider.