8 ways to help your kid with their anxiety, according to child mental health experts

Anxiety commonly affects children as well as adults. Kids and teens may experience anxiety in response to peer pressure, family dynamics, and underlying mental health conditions . The COVID-19 pandemic also increased feelings of anxiety — and depression — for many children.

If your child frequently shares their anxious thoughts and feelings with you, helping them build a toolbox of coping techniques may help improve their mood and take their mind off anxiety triggers, from pandemic -related worries to school nerves. Here are eight approaches you can use to help a child or teen with anxiety . Anxiety symptoms can vary quite a bit between kids, but one thing worth noting is that children, especially younger ones, will typically complain more about the physical symptoms of anxiety than the emotional symptoms, says Rebecca Etkin , a clinical psychologist at the Yale Child Study Center.

In other words, they might say they don’t feel well or complain about physical symptoms, rather than telling you outright they’re feeling anxious. Common physical symptoms of anxiety in children include: Note: Kids under 3 years of age may show signs of separation anxiety , or clinginess and nervousness when separated from a primary caregiver. Separation anxiety is a typical stage of development, so it’s not a cause for concern unless these episodes seem prolonged or continue past the age of 3.

You can help your child identify what’s triggering their anxiety by encouraging them to open up about how they feel and asking why they feel that way, says Dr. Neha Chaudhary , a psychiatrist and Chief Medical Officer of BeMe Health . “If your child responds with ‘I don’t know,’ consider suggesting you walk through the day together in your heads, playing detective and looking for clues for any stressors,” Chaudhary says.

Things that commonly trigger anxiety for kids include academic pressures, major life changes like moving or a death in the family, abuse or neglect, and conflict at home, says Rebecca Mannis , a developmental psychologist and learning specialist at Ivy Prep . Just know your child may not always be able to pinpoint the cause of their anxiety. Even when they can, they may not be able to do anything about certain triggers, like a move to a different city or the loss of a loved one.

It’s more important they have space to share and someone to process their experience with so they don’t feel alone with those emotions, Chaudhary says. Relaxation exercises like breathing and mindfulness may help calm an anxious child, just as they might for adults. For example, a small 2022 study found that children ages 7 to 10 who learned a breathing exercise experienced lower levels of anxiety.

“For younger kids, I’d recommend inhaling deeply for 4 counts, holding your breath for 4 counts, and exhaling for 8 counts,” Chaudhary says. Quick tip: You can also introduce the idea of “balloon breathing. ” This involves pretending to inflate and deflate an imaginary balloon by slowly exhaling and inhaling.

A breathing ball, an expandable toy sphere, may also help your child learn mindful breathing. Teens, on the other hand, might find it helpful to try meditation , Chaudhary says. Other relaxation exercises can also help.

A few to try include: These activities can all help your child’s brain stay present so it doesn’t wander into worries or feelings of restlessness, Chaudhary says. It’s natural to want to reassure your child, so you might reach for phrases like “Don’t worry” or “There’s nothing to be afraid of. ” But these well-intentioned reassurances may leave your child feeling as if you’ve ignored or dismissed their fears, Etkin says.

Choosing validating words and phrases can make a difference: Just keep in mind validating their feelings doesn’t mean you agree with the actions they take when experiencing these emotions. If an angry child smashes their toys or tears up a sibling’s book, tell them you understand their frustration — but then guide them to a more productive coping mechanism, like shredding paper, taking deep breaths, or bouncing a ball against the wall. Sometimes all your kid may need is a positive distraction to get their minds off what’s making them anxious.

A distraction could be any activity that engages their interest: Just remember that while a distraction can provide distance from painful or unwanted emotions, it’s not a permanent solution. Quick tip: Try framing the distracting activity as a break or a time-out. You might tell your child, “Let’s put those feelings to the side for now and do something fun until you feel ready to tackle them.

” A large 2020 study found that children who engaged in moderate to vigorous exercise — like biking, playing sports, and walking to school — for at least an hour per day reported lower anxiety. So, when your child says they feel anxious or worried, help them work through these feelings by doing any of the following activities together: Note: Current guidelines from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommend kids and teens get at least 60 minutes of physical activity a day for optimal health. Showing your child how you navigate your own feelings of anxiety can go a long way toward helping them learn effective coping techniques.

“One of the best things parents can do in order to help their kids and teens cope with anxiety is to model coping with their own big feelings, stress, anxiety, or overwhelm included. Children are always watching their parents and soaking in what they do, even if older kids and teens don’t like to admit it,” Chaudhary says. You might, for instance, tell your child: You don’t necessarily need to be concerned if your kid experiences some passing feelings of anxiety, especially in response to a specific trigger, like a major sports event or final exam.

But if your child continues to feel anxious long after the stressful situation has resolved, or their worries get worse over time, they could have an anxiety disorder . Other signs of an anxiety disorder, according to Mannis, include: Keep a log of your child’s symptoms and the specific environments where these behaviors happen, Mannis says. You can then use this log to bring up your concerns with a healthcare professional.

Etkin says it may be time to connect with a therapist if your child feels anxious most days and their emotions begin to get in the way of playing, going to school, or the rest of their daily routine. Important: Anxiety that goes untreated in childhood may contribute to social isolation , avoidance of school and other triggers , and anxiety and depression that lasts into the teen years and adulthood. To find a mental health professional who works with children, you can: Teaching your child tools to navigate and manage anxiety early on can help them cultivate greater resilience as they reach adolescence and then adulthood.

Resilience equips your child to “bounce back” from challenges and difficulties using their unique strengths and support systems. Greater resilience may also offer some protective benefits against mental health conditions like depression and anxiety. One important thing you can do for your child is demonstrate your own resilience by modeling helpful coping strategies and emotion regulation skills.

It’s also essential to normalize reaching out for professional support. If their anxiety begins to interfere with their daily life, a good next step involves connecting with a therapist who can help them identify anxiety triggers and find the right treatment. .