Fast Track Your Corporate Career With 5 Easy Woke Steps

Vaccine mandates have disappeared faster than a Democrat in a debate. So after languishing in isolation during those murky lockdown years, you’ve finally clinched a job that demands an appearance in the office. It’s high time to get on the bandwagon of the times and plot a swift ascent to the summit.

Nicolai Foss, a strategy professor at Copenhagen Business School, and Peter Klein, an entrepreneurship and corporate innovation professor at Baylor University, have delved into the woke wilderness of the workplace. They’ve spotlighted the peculiar dance of middle managers and support personnel, wielding their delegated power and specialist status to indulge in woke internal advocacy, a strategic move that could see them ascend the influence ladder and fortify job security. Now, should you hop onto the woke carousel and embark on the climb? Eschew the ordinary and banish the spectre of a “racist bread” sandwich (the common white variety) from your workplace repast.

Instead, effortlessly weave discussions around your recent shingles vaccination, all the while nonchalantly sharing an eccentric recipe for marinated stink bugs. Unveil your avant-garde culinary creations, be it the mealworm lettuce wrap, ant larvae hors d’oeuvres, or a generous serving of cricket-infused fried rice, all while regaling the assembled with the carbon footprint statistics of your gastronomic endeavours. Watch as your lunchtime choices leave everyone, perhaps not green with envy, but certainly with an intriguing shade of curiosity (though I must admit, the mere thought of insect delicacies has my stomach juices dancing a lively jig).

With a splendid array of seven pronoun sets in circulation, make your pick with gusto and be swift to set the record straight for those who misstep in addressing you. Essential adornments include Palestinian and rainbow mini flags, creating a tumultuous tapestry that refuses to go unnoticed. Toss in an eclectic assortment of masks, each narrating its own mischievous tale of your escapades.

Consider having some printed with catchy taglines like “Today is Booster Day, Yay,” “Trigger Happy,” or proudly stating, “My pronouns are …” And don’t forget to exhibit your vaccination certificates (the ones from your childhood—who’s really going to look?) with unapologetic pride, adorned in frames crafted from the dignified embrace of recycled wooden accents. Nonchalantly deposit a box of vibrantly coloured tampons in the men’s restroom, and extend an offer to the boss to assist in a gender-neutral rebranding initiative. Emphasize the significance of aligning with the Corporate Equality Index (CEI), overseen by the Human Rights Campaign and supported by Soros-funded endeavours.

The CEI, a relatively obscure facet of the burgeoning Environmental, Social, and Corporate Governance (ESG) movement, plays a pivotal role in ethical investing promoted by the nation’s foremost investment firms. ESG funds prioritize investments in companies that oppose fossil fuels, advocate for unionization, and prioritize racial and gender equity over traditional merit-based criteria in hiring and board selections. .