Language Matters, Especially for Our Children

ForbesWomen Language Matters, Especially for Our Children Deeptee Jain Contributor Opinions expressed by Forbes Contributors are their own. I celebrate women, innovation and healthcare. Jun 11, 2022, 05:27pm EDT | Share to Facebook Share to Twitter Share to Linkedin I sat at a dinner table with a well-known politician recently.

He said, “All men between the ages of 22 and 50 should be working. ” I knew his intent: we, as Americans, should value a hard-working culture. I turned to my friend and colleague, an older white man, and said, “Did he really just say that only men should be working?” My friend said, “Come on, Deeptee, you know what he meant.

” Even my husband said that I was being overly particular, and that I was primed through my feminist lens. Perhaps that politician meant, “All people between the ages of 22 and 50 should be working. ” But, I worry about what my 2-year-old daughter would have heard.

Would she have heard the politician say that women might not hold the same aspirations as men? Would she have heard that women aren’t welcome in the workforce? Or don’t belong there? As a spine surgeon, entrepreneur, and mom I sit at a lot of different tables. We all know that gender stereotypes exist, that men are more often promoted over women, and that the pay gap is real. In 2020, the Pew Research Center determined that women earn 84 cents for every dollar men are paid even when working equivalent jobs.

. If we want to change this, I argue: language matters. English was created in a society rooted in stereotypical gender norms, and as such, gender asymmetries, and specifically masculine generics, are common.

For example, the pronoun “he” can be used when gender is irrelevant or unknown. Feminine forms, however, are not used generically, and refer specifically to women only. The use of masculine generics only serves as another homage to our society’s gender hierarchy, which grants men more power than women.

As we move toward a more gender-equal society, we must change our language. Gender-fair language aims to reduce gender stereotyping and discrimination by neutralization, such as using the term “police officer” instead of “policeman. ” Here are three tables we sit every day where we can pay attention to our language to create spaces and conversations that foster ambition and inclusivity amongst our colleagues and children, and everyone in between.

MORE FOR YOU Spring Health Notches A $190 Million Series C At A $2 Billion Valuation, Making CEO April Koh The Youngest Woman To Run A Unicorn A Year After Unleashing War Crimes Against Indigenous Armenians, Azerbaijan’s Threats And Violations Continue The Secret To Being The Wildly Popular Mayor Of Miami? Surround Yourself With Amazing Latina Women Your desk One of the surgical schedulers sent an email to the entire nursing staff in our department, stating “Please ask your surgeon if he would like additional operating room time in the next few weeks. ” Now it is true, most of the surgeons in our department are indeed “he’s”. I am the only woman spine surgeon, and one of a handful women orthopaedic surgeons in my department.

I am sure the email sender had no malintent when sending the email. I look at this sentence in the historical backdrop of the English language, possibly using the word “he” as a generic pronoun. Nonetheless, especially in the context of a department comprised of surgeons who are more than 90% men, such language has the effect of making women surgeons feel excluded.

These same comments apply to any organization with dominant majority – e. g. executives, investors, service industries.

When sending emails, think critically about how you communicate with your colleagues. Using gender neutral pronouns avoids excluding the gender minority population in the group and fosters a sense belonging. The panel/podium Often when I engage in women specific events, whether it be panels or conferences, I frequently lead a session on “work-life balance.

” I also receive many phone calls from aspiring women surgeons inquiring about what it’s like to be a surgeon and a mom. In contrast, I go to many conferences with mostly men, and we never discuss parenting or housework. And I don’t seem to receive those calls from aspiring male surgeons.

These conversations are indeed critical, especially in our post-COVID world. However there is often a female-specific nature to them, for example, the necessity for working women to outsource house cleaning. Superficially, these conversations appear to be well-intentioned efforts to liberate women from the mundane chores of the home.

But they are fundamentally anchored by the same restrictive, normative, stereotypical gender assumptions: housework and childcare are inherently jobs for women. We need to change the narrative. I argue that these conversations are important for everyone, both men and women.

I applaud those like my male partner who just last week asked me to lead a discussion on this topic at a national conference of mostly men. Let’s move these discussions to be more mainstream and remove the stigma around work-life balance questions as a topic related only to women. The home dinner table My two-year-old daughter and I spend most evenings at the dinner table reading books while enjoying our meal together.

Perhaps my experiences as one of only approximately 50 women orthopaedic spine surgeons in the country, in combination with my tiger -mom instincts, have made me hyperaware of any suggestion that discourages my daughter from pursuing her dreams, whatever they may be. While we were reading one of the Richard Scarry books outloud, we found that page after page, every working professional, except for the nurse and hair stylist, was portrayed as a male figure. When we finally encountered a page that said “A mother’s work is never done” followed by drawings of the mother vacuuming, I had to shut the cover on this classic childhood favorite.

I have since discovered many more encouraging modern-day books that exemplify women who are changing the world. But nonetheless I have also learned that images portrayed in that Richard Scarry book are still carried by today’s children. The 7-year-old daughter of one of the nurses I work with was shocked when she learned that her mom works with a woman surgeon.

Reflecting back to the words of that politician – I want my daughter to have the luxury to make career choices when the time is right for her – whether that be a full-time parent, or a c-suite executive. If she grows up with mindset boxed by normative gender stereotypes, she won’t have the freedom to make those choices, because she won’t believe that she can. As such, we as a culture need to remain intentional about the specific words and language children hear.

I hope that as my daughter grows, our culture will continue to evolve not only to support her ambitions but also develop them by making her believe that she can accomplish anything that she wants. Follow me on LinkedIn . Deeptee Jain Editorial Standards Print Reprints & Permissions.