5 ways to make a wedding more gender-inclusive, according to wedding pros

Insider spoke to wedding pros about how to make celebrations more inclusive. LumiNola / Getty Images Traditionally, weddings in the U. S.

are steeped in heteronormative history.   Insider spoke to LGBTQ+-focused wedding pros about how to make celebrations more comfortable for all.   Using gender-inclusive language and reevaluating traditions help set the right tone.

Wedding industry professionals told Insider that weddings are overwhelmingly oriented toward straight, cis-gender people. Weddings typically define traditions by gender. Crystal Cox/InsiderWhen Kirsten Palladino, co-founder and editorial director of Equally Wed, started planning her wedding in 2008 to her now-wife, Maria, she found the experience challenging for one big reason: “We noticed that that there was really nothing on the market that felt true to who we were,” she said.

“There was nothing mainstream that included us in terms of wedding magazines or blogs. “Palladino was planning a celebration that didn’t fit into the hetereonormative traditions defined by western society. Now, more than a decade later, LGBTQ+ couples still face many of those same hurdles.

“Marriage equality is relatively new in this country, so for many years weddings only consisted of a bride and a groom,” explained event designer Jove Meyer of Jove Meyer Events. “They were viewed exclusively through a cis-gendered lens, with traditions, terms, and wedding culture created for only them. “Both Meyer and Palladino believe weddings should be more inclusive, and work actively to reframe conversations and educate both wedding vendors and couples on how to be more inclusive.

To start, Meyer created an ally pledge to ensure everyone he works with is committed to making the wedding industry more diverse and equitable. Palladino penned a comprehensive a glossary of inclusive language for Equally Wed to help vendors better understand LGBTQ+ couples. As our definitions of a couple evolve, so should our references to their celebrations.

 Refrain from using heteronormative terminology like “bride” and “groom. “”Bride” and “groom” isn’t accurate if there are two women saying “I do. “Laura Grier/robertharding/Getty ImagesMeyer explained that wedding language and culture is very bride-focused, even when there is a groom involved.

So it becomes even more problematic for queer love stories.  The “bride” line of thinking excludes a huge number of couples, whether they be same-sex, gender queer, or cis, heterosexual couples in which the groom happens to be the one more interested in wedding planning.  It’s better to think in more gender-neutral terms, such as “partners.

” Both Palladino and Meyer recommend alternatives like “marriers,” “the couple,” or simply “clients” if you’re a wedding vendor, as well as asking engaged people how they prefer to be referenced.  “Ask people their names, their pronouns, how they would like to be identified, and use that information moving forward,” Meyer told Insider. “Assuming who people are based just on what you see is not the way to get to know anyone, and it is not the way to create an authentic wedding unique to that couple’s love story.

“Use more inclusive language throughout the wedding planning process and on the wedding day. There are many alternatives to traditional language. Alexandre Tome / EyeEm / Getty ImagesInclusive language doesn’t stop with the couple exchanging vows.

Meyer pointed out to Insider that many of the terms surrounding weddings are inherently exclusive. That includes the “bridal party” and “father-daughter dance,” as they both rely on antiquated assumptions about gender. Swap out those terms for more inclusive options, such as “wedding party” and “family dance.

” That goes for your guests too. Palladino recommends asking your DJ or emcee to refer to your guests generically such as “friends and family” rather than “ladies and gentlemen,” so they feel more welcome.  Make everyone at the wedding feel comfortable by creating inclusive physical spaces.

Create a space where everyone feels welcome. Kelvin Murray / Getty ImagesThe default, cis-gendered terminology around weddings extends to physical spaces. Think: bridal suite.

Meyer and Palladino recommend swapping out “bridal suite” for “getting ready room” or “VIP room,” which are broad, vague, and inclusive phrases.  Likewise, consider denoting a gender-neutral restroom at the venue or hang a sign informing guests they can use whatever restroom is best for them. Just because some element of a wedding is traditional, doesn’t mean you have to embrace it too.

Feel free to put your own spin on wedding day traditions. SolStock / Getty ImagesMeyer explained to Insider that nearly every tradition at weddings predicates on cis-gender men and women: a bride walks down the aisle to a groom; women carry flowers; men wear boutonnieres; and bridesmaids and groomsmen flank the couple—just a few examples.  Rather than assuming a blind following of wedding traditions, Meyer advises couples to think critically about these expectations and discuss what they actually want for their weddings.

“Gender-inclusive weddings ask the why about all traditions and seek to incorporate the traditions that speak to them and all guests,” Meyer said.  Rethink your dress code. Typical dress codes are gender-oriented.

Goodboy Picture Company / Getty ImagesWhat you ask guests to wear matters. Most common wedding dress codes are cis-gender-oriented, with the idea that female-presenting people will wear a dress or gown and male-presenting people will don a suit or tuxedo.  Meyer said that this may cause discomfort for guests.

To put them at ease, reassure guests that they don’t have to adhere to a traditional dress code. “Rather than tying a dress code to a gender, offer your requested dress code void of gender,” Meyer said, recommending a phrase like “wear whatever you feel best in. “Making a more inclusive wedding space matters, even if you are cis-gender or heterosexual.

Inclusivity doesn’t just apply to LGBTQ+ couples. SolStock/Getty ImagesEven if you do not identify with the LGBTQ community, it’s still important to prioritize inclusivity, as your guests or vendors might.  “Everyone should feel comfortable celebrating love,” Meyer told Insider.

“No one should feel like they have to work hard to fit into a world not built for them. “He added that inclusive language and actions help make everyone present feel special. “Love is the focus of a wedding, and when you invite your closest friends and family, they should feel the love as well,” he said.

As Palladino put it, cis-gender and heterosexual couples can support LGBTQ+ couples by making inclusivity a focus of their weddings. “We would not have won marriage equality if our allies hadn’t done the work alongside of us,” she said. Read the original article on Insider.