Cohousing with other single moms was our way to find support when everything else failed us. But it doesn’t solve systemic problems on its own.

Courtesy of Holly Harper I bought a four-unit apartment building with another single mom to help us share costs. It’s brought us optimism, community, and cost savings. While cohousing is great, it hasn’t solved a lot of the problems I had to begin with.

I was able to become a post-divorce homeowner through cohousing. Another single mom and I purchased a four-unit apartment building. We have financial perks and thriving kids.

Many people have asked for more personal and practical details. But the Siren House story is not simple. Before cohousing, I was isolated in a failing marriage and then alone in an apartment, drowning in shame.

Now that I’m in this loving, supportive home, I realize how cohousing helped me through the most difficult years of my life. But it hasn’t solved the biggest problems. I had to process the values of my boomer parentsOnce I left my marriage, I was crushed emotionally and financially by the culture and values inherited from my boomer parents.

I did that “good wife” thing, choosing to sacrifice my earning potential for my spouse’s career. When we separated, I was scared of having to live paycheck to paycheck for the first time in my adult life. As I was hustling to make ends meet and stabilize, the pandemic hit.

Fortunately, I qualified for pandemic assistance and started quarantine in my apartment. I wanted change, but I also didn’t know what to do. I have to acknowledge my privilegeMy challenge at that moment was accepting that I was legitimately in crisis and still protected from different awful things because of my privilege.

As college-educated white women, my cohousing partner and I grew up with those white boomer values. When my life fell apart and I found her, we intentionally began a journey of defining our values and reckoning with our privilege, together. Choosing a cohousing partner who serves as my accountability and growth partner has changed my life.

By opening my home, my life, and my heart to another person I live with, I am accountable for my behavior and more empathetic, resilient, and happy. Cohousing is what we came up with when we were out of optionsOur privilege in part made it possible for us to buy our house in the first place. At the same time, it is a haven for us as we navigate our new values, rejecting the toxic, racist, sexist culture that got us here.

We know homeownership is probably still out of reach for many, yet we hope our story will open doors for others. Cohousing is more than a way to save money. It is an emotional, personal journey as we work to be more effective in our allyship, happier, and more stable following our own rule book.

But cohousing does not address the larger problems in the system that landed me here. As a single entrepreneur, I cannot afford adequate health insurance. The divorce process can cause extreme duress.

When one of us was cut off from banking, she defaulted on her student loans, tripling her debt to nearly $400,000. Student-loan debt and its terms are crushing our generation. The American dream of home ownership is mired in a toxic history that includes redlining, interest-rate gouging, and discrimination.

Cohousing can help, but only if combined with policy changes that include eliminating cash down payments, credit-score biases, and zoning laws. When a small group of people does something extraordinary, like start The Siren House, it is a big deal. We went against the mainstream and changed our lives.

It works for us, and it could for you, too. Holly Harper is the founder of Anagram Consulting and Siren Foundry. She is the author of “The Deal of the Doll House: How Toxic Self-Care Nearly Destroyed Me.

“Read the original article on Insider.