I’m a former BBW porn star who had a gastric bypass for health reasons. I miss my curves — and my confidence.

Raquel Ortiz during her adult-film days (left) and after her gastric bypass surgery. Courtesy of Raquel Ortiz At over 300 pounds, Raquel Ortiz struggled with confidence. Becoming a BBW porn star changed that.

She had a gastric bypass for her health, but regrets it and misses her curvy body. This is Ortiz’s story, as told to Abby Ellin. This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Raquel Ortiz.

It has been edited for length and clarity. In March 2020, I got violently ill with COVID. I was rushed to the hospital, and it was touch-and-go for a while.

At almost 400 pounds, the doctors didn’t think I was going to make it.   “You’re too overweight, you’re borderline diabetic, you have high blood pressure,” the doctor told me. “Don’t you want to live for your kids?”He suggested I get gastric bypass surgery, and I started to cry.

I was totally against it. My attitude was always, “This is who I am. Love me or like me, I’m not changing myself.

” But this scared me. I didn’t want to leave my two kids without a mother. So in March 2021, I got the surgery.

I’ve since lost close to 200 pounds. And I feel very mixed about it. The surgery may have improved my health, but as a former BBW adult-film star, I miss my old body.

Growing up fat was hard, but I grew to embrace my curvesI was fat for most of my life, and as a kid, I hated myself. It wasn’t until I got naked for a living that I learned to love my body.   I grew up in a Latino household where being overweight was frowned upon.

Everyone in my family was skinny, except me. I was fat-shamed throughout my whole childhood.   I remember one night when I was about 14.

My family and I were watching the ’80s show “21 Jump Street” together. Johnny Depp came on and I said to my sister, “He’s so hot. ”    My grandmother, who was sitting on the couch, decided this was a perfect opportunity to express her feelings.

“Why would he be interested in you?” she said. “Have you seen yourself these days?”I ran to my room and started crying. My sister came in and held me, telling me that Johnny Depp would definitely think I was cute.

But I knew she was just being nice. As for my mother, well, she never defended me.    Things picked up a bit when I graduated and moved out of my house.

I found a new set of friends who accepted me and didn’t fat-shame me. That’s when I started feeling somewhat comfortable with myself.  One night in 2005, I went out to the Mayan, a nightclub in Hollywood.

These two white guys kept staring at me. I thought, “Here we go. They’re gonna say some crazy shit to me.

” Right before last call, they came up and told me that I was really pretty and that they were in adult entertainment. I could make a lot of money working with them. Adult entertainment? That meant porn.

Fat girls didn’t do porn. “I’m not the cookie-cutter skinny white girl,” I said. But that’s why they liked me.

They explained that there was a new wave of porn called BBW, which stood for Big Beautiful Women.  They gave me their card and told me to give them a call. I brushed it off.

I couldn’t imagine stripping naked in front of a bunch of strangers or having sex on camera. I put the card aside.  But a few days later, I found it, and on a whim, I called.

I was curious what they had to say. I had two young kids and I was a single mom. I needed money.

They wanted me to come out to their studio in Encino and do a screen test. “We’ll pay you $1,500,” they said. If I didn’t like it, I’d still get my money.

Cash.  I agreed. I was uncomfortable at first, but having my body celebrated put me at easeThey gave me the address of a big three-story house in the Valley.

From the outside it looked normal, but once you entered it was like you walked into a house owned by a Kardashian: marble floors, six bedrooms. Porn stars of all shapes and sizes walked around half naked or in skimpy lingerie. No one told the bigger girls to put clothes on.

Their bodies were celebrated.   The producers introduced me to the cameraman and almost immediately, I started to freak out. What was I doing? I wasn’t a porn star — I was a 324-pound woman who hated her body! I fled into the bathroom and stayed there for about a half-hour.

Things got a little better when they introduced me to my male talent. He was hot. A few days later, the producers called.

They said my scene had gotten great feedback; customers really liked me! They wanted me to shoot an entire film. I said yes.  In the beginning, I’d ask the production assistant to get me a robe and I’d put it on right after my scene.

But over time, I became less inhibited. Everyone — directors, other porn stars, fans — told me how beautiful I was, how sexy. Ortiz, who performed under the name Jinger Jewels, was nominated for an AVN award for her work.

Courtesy of Raquel OrtizWorking in porn was lucrative That first year, I made about $30,000 working part-time. Some of the other women took me under their wing and schooled me on what to do and what not to do, and what different kinds of scenes were worth.  The second year, I was up to around $200,000.

I took the stage name ‘Jinger Jewels,’ after Sharon Stone’s character in “Casino. “At night, I’d go to strip clubs for meet-and-greets and the skinny strippers would come up to me. “Oh my god, Jinger Jewels, you’re the bomb!”  In 2004, I was nominated for Best Newcomer at the AVN Awards, held annually in Las Vegas.

I lost to a skinny girl. Still, it was the first time a BBW film had gotten nominated, and it was a big accomplishment for the community. And the fans were amazing! BBWs are real.

We have stretch marks, dimples on our butts, hips, thighs. We’re real women, and that’s what some men want to see.  I lost nearly 200 pounds, but I miss my bigger bodyBy 2011, I started to get burnt out.

There’s a short shelf life in this industry. A sugar daddy I knew was an attorney, and he encouraged me to either become a nurse or go into law. “A pretty face won’t last forever,” he said.

“There has to be a plan B. ” So I went to school to become a paralegal, and he ended up hiring me. He has since died, but I still work at the firm.

 I maintain a lot of friendships in the porn community, and a producer is now asking me to come back for one last run with my new body. But I tell them “no thanks” — I am good.   I would never return to porn.

Not because of any bad experience — I met great people and got a lot out of it. I made a lot of money to support my kids and me through school; porn served its purpose. Ortiz had a gastric bypass in 2021 and has lost nearly 200 pounds.

Courtesy of Raquel OrtizBut I am not comfortable with who I am now. I looked in the mirror and I didn’t recognize myself. I got into this major depression.

I see these big girls and I think, ‘She’s so curvaceous and beautiful, and look at me now. I’ve got saggy flesh and loose skin. ‘ I can’t imagine dating.

It feels so strange at this weight. I don’t even know what sex will be like. I’m uncomfortable getting naked in front of a man.

I’m scared of the criticism. My porn-industry peers criticized me for getting surgery. I did it for health reasons, not vanity.

But I still felt like a traitor.   I now weigh about 192. My doctor wants me to lose at least 30 more pounds, but I’m done.

I’m not this perfect skinny girl, and I will never be. And that’s more than OK. Read the original article on Insider.