I’m a sex-and-relationship coach who specalizes in working with folks with extreme fetishes. One of my coaching clients, a woman in her 40s, calmly shares that this session with me is one of the first times she has openly talked about her affinity toward sneezes. Though we realize mid-session that we both live in nearby neighborhoods in Brooklyn, we chat via Zoom, which she said feels a tad less personal but also makes it easier to open up.
My client, who I’ll refer to as P, has reached out to me because she is in a new relationship. Though she has never shared her fetish with any partners before, she is ready to share her desire with her current partner and needs some assistance in navigating the grand reveal. Mucophilia, otherwise known as a sneezing fetish, is when folks are turned on by sneezing.
Sneeze enthusiasts may be aroused by their own sneezes and also often experience sexual excitement from hearing or watching others sneeze. The sneezing-fetish community is thriving, with one forum having almost 500,000 posts. In the forum, users ask contemplative questions like “Do big noses equal big sneezes?” and “Can you guess someone’s sneeze by their personality or appearance?” There is also a lot of debate regarding what type of sneeze is the most exciting, from quiet, polite sneezes, to messy, thunderous sneezes, to false alarms.
There are also powerful conversations where folks share how validating it is to have a space where they can open up to others about their fetish . Many share how vital community is to release any shame they may be holding onto, especially because many subscribers admit to never having shared their fetish with anybody before, including their long-term partners. Additionally, there is a dating-and-hookup discussion board where people can share their location, what they are looking for, and if they are DTS — that is, down to sneeze.
We still live in a world with a long way to go to when it comes to being sex-positive . As a result, despite all the added pleasure that having a fetish can bring you, it also adds some complications for many. My client, P, shared her fetish with a partner for the first time a few days after our conversation.
Her partner responded positively, by initially saying it was cute; in time, she began to find it sexy when P sneezed. P said that she hadn’t revealed her sneeze fetish with earlier partners, and isn’t sure whether she chose not to do so because she didn’t feel as close to them, or if she ended up not getting as close to them because she didn’t reveal her affinity for sneezes. Regardless of the answer, she’s glad she told her current partner.
“I feel like because I took the risk to tell this current partner, I have ‘put myself out there’ in a way that feels more connected, given that thinking about sneezing is pretty much the way I always get off,” P said. Though having a fetish can allow for a deeper connection when it’s something you share, it can also lead to a disconnect if your partner doesn’t know when they are turning you on or what you are fantasizing about during sex. I spoke to another woman with this fetish who we’ll call L, and she shared that she came out about her love of sneezes to her current partner in the spring, which happens to be allergy season.
“She had just gotten over a bad cold, and we were on a level of intimacy at this point where I felt strange being so turned on and not being able to tell her or act on it,” L said. “I had wanted to tell her for a while but was nervous because I had never told a sexual partner before, and was worried I would be perceived as gross, because of germs, or creepy, because I was getting off without others knowing. ” Finding the courage to be honest about their desires has helped both clients I spoke to feel more comfortable with their fetish.
“I used to carry a lot of shame. I’ve been working on that. One thing that has helped a lot is the validation that has come with being able to explore my fetish freely and openly with my partner.
She has been so supportive and such a good sport,” L said. P also felt shame before talking openly about her fetish, and opening up to her partner has helped. “I internalized, normalized hiding the fetish for the majority of my life, it’s been a real process and a great one to slowly change that relationship to my own desires,” she said.
It can be incredibly validating to open up to people who are nonjudgmental and sex-positive about your fetish. If you aren’t ready to share with a partner yet, perhaps chat with a sex-positive coach, like myself , or explore an online support group where you can share your experiences. Perhaps L put it best.
“Uniqueness is desirable, and confidence is sexy. Own it! Start by telling someone you trust, who you know is open-minded, and take it from there. Baby steps are okay; give yourself time,” she said.
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From: insider
URL: https://www.insider.com/a-sex-and-relationship-coach-talks-about-sneeze-fetishes-2022-9
