Keturah Kendrick in Thailand. Courtesy Keturah Kendrick I’ve traveled to over 20 countries alone, and I absolutely love my solo adventures. When I talk about my travels, people ask if I get lonely.
Sometimes I do, but mostly I love it. Spending time alone has changed my relationship with the concept of loneliness — and with myself. I’ve lived on three different continents and traveled to over 20 countries alone.
When I share this with people, I’m often met with looks of admiration quickly followed by, “You’ve gone to all those places by yourself? Weren’t you lonely?” And yes, sometimes I was. Having time to sit with — instead of run away from — my loneliness has been the greatest gift solo travel has given me. I’ve learned that loneliness often masks something elseWhen I lived in Shanghai, China from 2016 to 2019, I made a routine of vacationing in Bali, Indonesia.
On my third visit, I sat at a quaint restaurant in the middle of a rice paddy awaiting the breathtaking sunset, one of the reasons I so frequently returned. I felt the acute pang of being alone as I looked all around and saw numerous couples and groups of friends chatting away. Before giving in to the self-pity that often accompanies loneliness, I took a moment to query what I was really feeling.
I became aware that I’d done so much on the island over the course of all my visits, that while I was excited to have a glass of wine as I watched day turn into night, Bali no longer thrilled me the way it used to. I’d seen all the Buddhist temples, eaten food at all the night markets, gotten massages at all the spas, and done all the outdoorsy activities I’d wanted to do. Keturah Kendrick in Bali.
Courtesy Keturah KendrickIt turned out that it wasn’t so much that I felt lonely — I just felt bored, and having a bae or good friend there with me wouldn’t have made that much of a difference in addressing that root feeling of boredom. While I would have had someone to vent to or do something new with, ultimately, I’d exhausted my Bali bucket list. I realized that I enjoy traveling because I thrive on the newness of a place.
It rejuvenates me: Simply choosing a new destination to explore would solve my problem and resolve the mood that had come over me, and I was relieved to discover my own company was still enough. I’d heard Malaysia and the Philippines also had great islands and beach spots, and thought that perhaps I should try out one of those places next time, instead. Loneliness is an emotion, just like any otherAs I’ve gone from place to place, I’ve realized that part of what makes loneliness hard to manage is the way we treat the emotion.
We see people who move through the world solo and think the choice must’ve been made for them, rather than assume it’s a choice they made for themselves. There’s this idea that feeling lonely is a shameful thing, as if it’s is directly linked to a flaw in our characters. In reality, it’s just another emotion, and one that eventually passes when you accept what you’re experiencing and make room for another feeling to take its place.
When you arrive in any new place, you experience a lot of emotions, and if you’re traveling alone, loneliness is bound to be one of them. During my first few months in Rwanda in 2014, I also felt excitement, confusion, acceptance, rejection, a sense of community, hope, and varying levels of sadness. And I felt all these things before I even had the chance to leave the country and travel around the African continent.
Keturah Kendrick in Mexico. Courtesy Keturah KendrickLater, on a solo trip to nearby Kenya, I experienced a litany of emotions. I felt full of pride when learning about the Masai people.
I was full of wonder at the Giraffe Center and Elephant Orphanage, but I was also irritated with all the other people who were there with me, because being with crowds of people at tourist sites is my least favorite thing about traveling; experiencing such conflicting emotions at the same time was frustrating. Later, when I returned to my hotel, I welcomed the feeling of being alone, and relief soon washed over me. Now I can appreciate loneliness and move through it to a place of gratitudeYes, sometimes I’m enjoying the best meal in Addis Ababa when loneliness strolls in and sits next to me.
I’ll be minding my own business taking selfies in front of the Big Buddha at the Batu Caves in Kuala Lumpur when it sneaks up on me again. But I’ve learned to appreciate loneliness. To thank it for joining me.
After all, I’ve been on my fair share of girls’ trips filled with drunken laughter. I’ve cuddled with a boyfriend after a romantic day trip out of the city. These have all been valuable experiences.
However, it has been the trips with myself that have left me with the most appreciation for the life I enjoy as a Black woman with expendable income and control over my own schedule. Traveling with myself has reframed how I relate to loneliness. I now count it as one of the many privileges I enjoy that previous generations of women couldn’t.
For this, I will forever be grateful. Read the original article on Insider.
From: insider
URL: https://www.insider.com/traveling-alone-changed-my-relationship-with-loneliness-2022-10
